The Boy Who Could Never Love
by angelcarstairs4679
Summary: Will had fell in love with Tessa at first sight but he couldn't afford to love her, not when he had been cursed. One-shot!


**I'm currently rereading the Infernal Devices series and by the angel, the series is still as beautiful as I first read it, making me fall in love with the characters once more. Sorry if there are any mistakes on the conversations but I can't really remember the conversations well and I'm still at the first book, not having read the others for a long time. I don't own the characters. They belong to Cassandra Clare.**

Will Herondale shone his witchlight as he walked down the corridor, the air smelling of something he couldn't quite identify. "Quite a brothel," he muttered to himself as he passed several rooms that had been made for people who seek passions outside the normal boundaries and he grimaced as he saw one of the walls covered with blood. "Mundanes…" he muttered under his breath as he walked down, his footsteps falling silently due to the Soundless rune he had carved on his ankle.

As he walked further, he came across a room, which he peeped into. Compared to the rooms he had seen before, this one was furnished nicely and there was even a smell of fresh flowers in it. But what surprised him more was the wedding dress hung in a white cabinet, pearls edging the bosom and pale pressed flowers trailing along the sides. He wrinkled his nose a little, wondering how could mundanes wear white, which meant death to Shadowhunters. As he continued down the corridor, he came across more rooms that seemed fit for a married couple, even finding a large four poster bed with rose petals strewn across. He made a mental note to tell Charlotte later on when he came to yet another corridor. He sighed as he walked until he came to a room right at the end. Without thinking, he placed his hand on the doorknob and swung it open.

As he did so, he felt the air moving as something was swung in his direction. He managed to move to the side to avoid getting hit in the head but he wasn't fast enough, the object crashing onto his arm. He yelled in pain and cursed in Welsh, wondering who in the name of the Angel had thrown a vase or whatever at him. As he glanced up, he saw his attacker shaking a little from the attack, the remnants of the handle of a jug still in her hands, the edges sharp. "Who are you?" she demanded as she raised the weapon at him. Internally he chuckled but he couldn't help but stare at her. Her brown hair fell past her shoulders and she was slightly taller than that of an average woman. Her brown eyes stared at him with both curiosity and caution as she raised it. Despite her haggard appearance, she was beautiful.

Will smiled as he quoted passages from several books he had read and he was surprised she actually knew where they had come from. Strange to find a woman who reads. "I am William Herondale," he grinned as she lowered her weapon. "Well we better don't dawdle," he said as he lifted a hand for her. She looked at him for a moment before glancing to her bedside table. "But my books," she muttered and Will was stunned for a moment on how she prioritized over some books. "I'll get more books for you later," he said as he urged her to take his hand. She reluctantly did so and her hand felt small and firm in his roughed scarred one. "Let's go," he said as he took off down the stairs.

….

Will sat in the carriage as it rattled down the street, watching Tessa as she fumbled with her dress. Or rather Camille Belcourt sat across him. Tessa was disguised as her to infiltrate the party De Quincey had invited her to and they had been told that he was doing some activities unbound by the law, so Will had proposed a plan where he was to follow Tessa into the premises and alert the Enclave should any suspicious activity arise. As he sat across Tessa, he smiled to himself as he saw how beautiful she was, not as the vampire woman she was disguised at but how she was as herself.

For his whole life, he had never come across such a determined girl, for she had practiced pretending to be Camille for hours despite not being able to do so after multiple attempts. He and Jem had sat in the library, watching in amusement as she walked around trying to mimic the vampire woman and he had laughed to himself, enjoying himself more than he had ever had for the past few years. But before she could see his smile or joy, he crushed the feeling under a façade of pure amusement. He cannot afford to love. Not after what he had done.

"Will, I'm afraid," Tessa muttered as she turned to look at him. Will's heart leapt as he glanced at her, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he tried to control himself. Camille was indeed beautiful but none could ever compare to Tessa's own simple beauty. One that he felt can never be given to him by any other woman. Nor was he able to accept it. "Tess," he whispered as he took her small gloved hand. He was surprised he had actually said it and he felt the coolness of her skin from under the glove. He wanted to stroke her, kiss her to calm her down and let her drown in him when Thomas stopped the carriage, announcing their arrival. Will sighed as he withdrew his hands and stepped out, ready to play the role of a vampire subjugate.

…

Will sat in the middle of the attic, his entire body on fire. He gasped as his body grew even more heated, the side effect of the holy water expelling the blood from his body. He knew he would get scolding from Jem on his recklessness but in the moment, when he saw Tessa was about to get hurt, he didn't think twice and hurled himself at De Quincey, who had grappled him to the ground. And what better way to surprise a vampire than bite them? Will did enjoyed doing that though he was starting to have second thoughts now.

His mind swam as he clutched his head, his temperature rising and falling randomly, making him cold one minute and really hot the next. He rolled on the ground, vivid images of his childhood filling his mind. Memories of him running the fields of Wales with his family, playing with his sisters in the garden, his mother and father sitting with them in the drawing room as they read books. Memories of his eldest sister lying dead in her bed as his mother sobbed uncontrollably. The face of his younger sister Cecily floated in front of him, haunting his mind. "Cecily," he murmured as he shook, the heat threatening to consume him.

Just then there was someone speaking and Will had lashed out, thinking it was Sophie with more holy water. But it turned out to be Tessa, which he was grateful for. Her presence calmed the storm in him but he knew he could never have her. Not while the curse was still active. Despite his mind telling him it was a horrible idea, he called her to his side and she sat next to him despite the floor being soaked through with holy water and vampire blood.

Will glanced to his side, watching Tessa as she asked questions. By the angel, the girl sure did want to know a lot about Shadowhunters even though she herself was a mystery. Her eyes brightened as she asked more questions and Will wondered how she managed to feel so active and wanted to learn more even after a battle which she could have been killed, which she nearly had almost be done in several times. "What do you want of me?" he whispered, the words leaving his mouth before he could process it. Damn it, the holy water was really messing up his mind. "I want to understand you," she answered, the words pulling his heart like a magnet.

"Tess," he whispered as he pulled her closer and the next thing he knew, they were kissing. He kissed her hard, soaking in her very essence as though it could be consumed. She smelled like smoke and ash but underneath it all, she smelled like Tessa. The Tessa who read so much and spent so much time in the library. He smiled inwardly at the thought as he kissed her even more. By the angel, how he wished he could lift her in his arms and ask her to marry him on the spot. But at that moment, the image of his dead sister filled his mind and the demon as it laughed, swinging its tail to hit her across the room.

He came to his senses and with much force pushed Tessa away, hard. He didn't mean to push her that hard but she still fell back, nearly tumbling over. His heart cracked as he saw how devastated and surprised her face was. _"I'm so sorry, Tessa. I'm so sorry,"_ he whispered in his mind as her voice came up. "Will?" she asked as he threw out an arm, trying to push her as far away from him as he can. He couldn't. There was no way he would risk her getting hurt for his stupidity. He alone had to bear the burden of it all. "Please," he whispered and she reluctantly left him, the trap door closing behind her. As he held onto one of the buckets she had brought with her, he stared at the holy water, which shone in the moonlight shining from the windows. "By the angel, Tessa…" he whispered as he dumped the holy water over his head.

….

Will had never felt so happy for a long time. Now that he finally knew the truth, he felt like he had been baptized with a new life and he nearly skipped as he walked back to the Institute. All those years of pushing everyone aside… it had been for nought. But not this time. He was going to do it. He was going to propose to the girl he loved. He smiled as he thought of how she would react, her lips against his as they twirled in the air.

He entered the double doors of the Institute, the doors swinging shut behind him as he ran upstairs. "Tessa… by the angel, where could you be?" he muttered as he jerked to a stop, Tessa standing in the corridor. Her hand was on something on her neck and he guessed it could be the clockwork angel she always wore. She looked so beautiful. He wanted to tell that every second as long as he lived, wanting to kiss her as the world faded around them. "Tess, I have to tell you something," he said hurriedly, the words tumbling out of him. Her surprised face made him happier as he dragged her down the corridor and into a room, starting to explain everything about the curse he thought he was cursed with and the reason why he couldn't love her or anyone in the Institute all these years. When he confessed his love to her, he saw her face lit up but at the same time, something else lurked behind it. Regret.

"I can't," she said when he asked her to marry him. "Why not? Tess? Didn't you hear me? There has been no curse. We can be together," he started to say. "I can't. I… Jem proposed to me," she said as she showed the necklace on her neck, just below her clockwork angel. A jade pendant, Jem's pendant rested below it and Will's heart stopped for a moment. It can't be… by the angel… this had to be a joke… Jem? Marry Tessa? He knew they had been close for these past few months but he didn't know Jem would do it knowing of his condition…

"I… Congratulations…" Will muttered, still shocked by the revelation of his parabatai being engaged to the girl he loved. His heart felt as though it had been shredded once more, this time beyond repair. As Tessa called out to him, trying to apologise for what had happened, he turned his heel and walked away, his feet carrying him to his room. "Its not your fault Tessa. It was never your fault," he murmured as he fumbled on the doorknob, letting the door swing open to reveal his messy room. As he closed it with a click, he strode over to his bed where he sank to the ground, his face in his hands as he tried to stop the tears from flowing. "By the angel, what have I done?" he whispered as the tears came free. He could never love, could he? He was cursed, no matter what. Will Herondale can never be allowed to love. Ever. The revelation sucked the joy out of Will as he cried his heart out, wishing he could just wake up from this nightmare.

 **All comments are welcomed!**


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